It can be so worrying when your child is struggling at school. Sometimes you will find a fabulous teacher who is full of ideas and compassion and it all just ‘clicks’. But so often this is not the case.
Struggles can show up academically: my child is not reading to the required level, they are still ‘working towards’ the expected standard. Sometimes it shows up in behaviours – angry outbursts, crying, reluctance to go to school. Often it shows up as in a variety of ways- and for good reason.
As a parent, it can be really tough trying to work out what the problem is and how you can help…
3 top tips if your child is struggling at school…
- Speak to the school.
- Speak to a GP or another health professional.
- Talk to your friends and family
How to do it – school
- Talk to your class teacher. If your child has significant additions needs, it is not unreasonable to ask for an extra meeting in addition to the 5 minute parent evening slot. After all, parents’ evening meetings are a suitable length for an average consultation about an average child and tricky difficulties need more time. That having been said, teachers are busy with a lot of pupils, so try to make any meeting efficient. Think 10 – 20 minutes and if you get longer, then that is a bonus!
- Clarify in advance what your concerns are and what you want to see done. Be specific. ‘I’m worried about him’ tells the teacher about you. But ‘I am concerned he cries every morning before school; tells me he doesn’t understand the maths; and that he gets scared in the playground’ gives much more to work with.
- Agree a review date – it helps to focus the actions and gives you an agreed opportunity to check in with the teacher.
- Consider following up with an email thanking the teacher for their time and confirming any specific actions.
- Ask if there is anything you can do to help. Try to make this a partnership – it works best this way but also endears you to the teacher. Be open about any relevant issues going on at home so that staff can be sensitive to them.
- Consider bringing in the SENCO. Special Educational Needs C0-Ordinators exist in every school, although their roles vary considerably. If you don’t feel that you are getting anywhere with the teacher, they remain an option.
How to do it – GP
- Remember a telephone appointment may be easier than face-to face but ensure that you can do this privately. It is easier to be open when your child or any siblings are not within earshot.
- Be specific about your concerns. Consider whether there are any assessments you want to discuss with the GP. How do you feel about your child’s hearing? Speech and language? Concentration? Dexterity and physical skills? Sleep? Development? Friendships? Be ready to answer these types of questions, even if you don’t consider them to be the crux of the problem.
- Remember that GPs may be able to allay your fears too. Children do develop at very different rates and in different ways. If this is the case, ask the GP for their opinion on what should get better and when. If they indicate a milestone should be reached within 6-12 months – or a problem resolved – then that gives you an indication of when to call back if necessary.
- Consider whether you can give feedback from the school. It is helpful for the GP to have an opinion from the school, if only that the teacher feels it would be useful to have a sight/hearing / development check; or that the teaching staff have been concerned about progress for some time; or that school are struggling to understand how to help.
How to do it – friends and family
- Parenting a child with difficulties is tough. It can feel isolating. Make sure you can talk to a few trusted people who can offer different types of support.
- The people you choose may or may not be family. They may have experience themselves either through their own children or from a professional perspective. You may find that those in education or health professions more generally have an interesting and sympathetic perspective. Equally, friends with a totally different remit in life can give you a fantastic listening ear and offer a fresh view on things.
- Enlist their support practically if it is helpful. If getting a child into school is an issue, is it worth asking another trusted adult to do the last stage? It might seem radical, but don’t rule out ideas which break unhelpful routines! Could they have breakfast with a friend and go into school with them? If reading is an issue, can they do homework with another trusted adult sometimes? Do they know a great tutor / optician who is good with children / parent managing hearing issues etc etc. They may even be able to suggest networks which can offer professional help for free.
“A local autism charity set up a drop-in evening near me with free advice from occupational therapists. Having been on a waiting list for months, I suddenly had access to a 30 minute conversation all about how I could best help my child at home over the next few weeks. So grateful.”
Finally…trajectory and prioritisation
It is all about prioritising…If there are multiple problems, it can be hard to tackle them all at once. Is the problem really important and is it hindering other areas of life? If a child is struggling to communicate, then this may impact many aspects of school, including friendships and self-esteem. First order priority. If a child has very messy writing, then I would suggest this is of lower order priority. Ultimately, they can have handwriting lessons, use a scribe and eventually use a laptop.
It is all about the trajectory…standing back, are things generally moving in the right direction? Everyone has bad days – even weeks – but are they making progress? If not, then continue pushing to seek external help and make this point. Timelines are important.
If they are moving in the right direction, but you want the progress to be faster, then you are still right to keep pushing things along. When children struggle at school it can have so many implications that it is important to address. Take a big breath and keep going!
